nothing has changed, but everything has changed.

we found out yesterday that i had a miscarriage. i was only 7 weeks along. i had been spotting and i thought it was due to placenta previa like i had with tucker. but after having a sonogram yesterday morning, we found out that there was no baby.

when i came home from the dr. appointment elliana asked me,

"mommy, is it a boy or a girl?"

"honey, there's not a baby in mommy's tummy anymore."

"where did it go?"

"well, god said it wasn't time yet."

"is it gonna come back?"

"maybe if he says its time."

and later that day as we were coloring together i asked her if she thought we should think about asking jesus for another baby.

and she said, "let's pray right now." and she set her marker down, grabbed my hands, closed her eyes and started to pray, "dear jesus, please put a baby in my mommy's tummy. amen."

i'm doing better. yesterday pretty much sucked, but i could feel the prayers and comfort of my friends and family surrounding me. i cried on the phone with friends and an aunt who had been there before. and it was healing.

and today i painted a picture (not the one above) for my niece and pushing the paint around on the canvas was also healing for my soul.

and tonite as we said prayers elliana added, "and please jesus put a baby girl back in my mommy's tummy. amen."

thankfully, god's timing and his plan is always perfect. and my hope is in him. i am not alone. and when it hurts, i cry, and my husband will hold me. and sometimes it just sucks. but i'm getting better. this is part of my story now.

so thank you for your well wishes and prayers.

i have a cute kids christmas craft for tomorrow....to lighten the mood. ;)